What Happened at the Hair Salon?

(asked by Roz from Chamonix)

Hoozah! Here's hoping that your witty and incisive blog can help me (though perhaps 'ask a Frenchwoman' might have covered it better). I live in Chamonix and had my hair cut and coloured in the main hair-dressing salon today. Whilst there I saw my neighbour having a similar treatment - she and I are on first name terms, faisons la bise, and our young sons are in the same class at school and group in the Ski Club. So naturally, when I finally sat down next to her to have my hair dried, I said a cheery 'hello' and kicked off what was meant to be a brief but pleasant exchange about how her son is doing. To my surprise she was very aloof and most definitely did not encourage the conversation, leaving me wondering whether there is some unspoken etiquette that, well . . . things are left 'unspoken' at the hairdresser's? She looks like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister so surely she can't have been embarrassed at me seeing her looking like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister-having-her-hair-done?! I only ask so that I may get even more paranoid about why she cut me if, in fact, there is no such salon etiquette in France . . .

Veuillez croire, Monsieur, à l'assurance de mes sentiments distingués. ;-)

Hi Roz,
You're lucky. Usually I don't publish question with no cultural relevance, but this one really perplexes me, so if some readers can help, they're more than welcome to do so.
Well, let's start with what culturally relevant.
No, in France, there's no hairdresser etiquette that makes you unfriendly to people you're in friendly terms with out of the hair salon.
Outside of that, I have no idea was she was behaving like this with you. Actually the hair salon is a big chit chat place usually.
I doubt that it has something to do with the fact she looked like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister-having-her-hair-done.
It could be a social class thing. Is she from the bourgeoisie? Some bourgeois people don't like to meet their acquaintances in environment and places that are not made for that.
Or it just could be that she was having a bad hair day (no pun intended) and/or for some reason she was unhappy with the fact that you share the same hairdresser.
Apart from that, I'm stuck...
Anyone? (or yourself, if you have anything to add, as this question is a few months old, there may have been some developments since).

Can you explain how the French higher education system works?

(asked by Harmony from the UK)

Could you possibly explain to a confused foreigner how the French education system works, if you continue in education after you take the baccalauréat? I've looked up various websites, including the Wikipedia entry for 'classes préparatoires' and have French friends I've asked, but I find it hard to separate out hard fact from a kind of snobbery (based around the fact that one friend tried repeatedly to get into ENA and has not quite got over failing, and another went to Sciences Po and can't seem to forget that either...) I grasp there are layers of meaning and elitism here that I'm not getting as a Brit from outside the system.

Can it really be the case that French universities will accept almost any applicant, and all the good people go on to the tiny number of places in the Grandes Ecoles, so the universities get the 'failures'? And that every big shot in France went to a GE? Does it really set you up for life? And what's with all that 'khagnes'-type slang?

It's not that I don't get elitism - we have Oxbridge in the UK, after all - but for some reason I find it odder in France...

And I thought I had tackled all the sensitive topics. Wanna start a heated debate among French people? Forget politics or religion, try higher education issues instead.

First -and I see that by your question- there seems to be some sort of obsession with Grandes Ecoles from the part of certain foreigners when they talk about the French education system. I guess it’s because they want to find an equivalent to Oxbridge, the Ivy League and other similar “elite” schools.
Thing is Grandes Ecoles are quite a minor thing in France which reputation is quite overrated. A little bit like the Sorbonne.

And I just checked the Wikipedia entry in English about French higher education, and it’s not that great and precise at all (the French one is though is you can read French)

But let’s start with the beginning; that is the baccalauréat (aka the “bac”).
And I gotta warn you I’m gonna draw a lot from my memories from back when I was in high school and then an undergraduate student. Certain things may have change a bit since then.

So, you’re a French high school student, and you just passed your bac and are graduating from high school (actually, this topic is quite timely as this year, the results will be announced this Tuesday July 7th!).
What’s next for you?
Well, you have a wide range of choices. I’m going to try to forget as few as possible.
Let’s start with the Grandes Ecoles as we’ve already mentioned them.
Grandes Ecoles are quite hard to define as there’s no official status that tells that a school is a Grande Ecole, except for the fact that it has to be highly selective and to provide a very good education.
And yes, it’s usually really hard to get into a Grande Ecole, to the point that very few students go there straight from high school. One usually needs to go through a “Classe Préparatoire” (Preparing Class) before that, which is one or two years of classes that prepares you to get into a specific Grande Ecole. You usually don’t get there by applying to the school, but by taking an exam that will decide whether you’re accepted or not, the Classe Préparatoire preparing you to that exam.

The number one misconception coming from abroad about these schools is that if it’s so hard to get in, only the best French students go there.
It’s not exactly true for several reasons:
-Like everything else in French higher education, your major will influence where you’ll go study. Keep in mind that after high school in France, every class you’re going to take will be in your major, gone are the general education classes, and every school provides certain numbers of majors and certain classes. If you want to be something or study something that has no Grande Ecole related to it, you won’t apply to a Grande Ecole, why would you do it, even if you’re the best student that France has ever seen.
-Most Grandes Ecoles are not free (at least the Classes Préparatoires are not) and as France is a country where most of the education is free (or close to it) at every level, the population is not used to spend a lot of money for school, and it’s not only the population, it’s pretty much the whole country (i.e. student loans are not that common in banks, etc.) so a bright student coming from a poor background has very little chances to ever go to a Grande Ecole.
-There’s also a geography factor going on (even if it’s minor): because the way the system is set French students are not used to go study very far from home, so if a Grande Ecole is located pretty far from one’s hometown, chances are that he/she won’t apply to it. And as most Grandes Ecoles are in or around Paris, the non-Parisian population is less likely to go to a Grande Ecole than Parisian students.

Which brings us to the second part of our section about the Grandes Ecoles, that is their prestige. Very often, people out of a Grande Ecole will be… full of themselves for lack of another expression (well, there are other expressions, but I like this one). They just spent the past few years hearing that they were the best and the elite of the nation, and we can’t totally blame them if they believe it.
What about the rest of the French people? Do they revere and envy people from the Grandes Ecoles?
No, not exactly. Most of them don’t really care at all. I have the feeling that the only people that are not from a Grande Ecole and that care are those who wanted to go and didn’t, a certain (conservative and Parisian?) population that base their view of the world on the concepts of social class, elite, material wealth as the only criteria for success and so on, and people in certain fields were having a degree from a Grande Ecole is important. Because, once again, you must remember that any given school will provide one type of education leading to one (or a few) diplomas.
And this is in that aspect that Grandes Ecoles are really different from let’s say Harvard or Oxford.
When you graduate from Oxbridge or an Ivy League school, you have a degree in pretty much any major one can think of, so yeah, wherever you go, it’s prestigious. But if you graduate from let’s say HEC, you’ll have a degree in business, as HEC is a Grande Ecole that provided education in business and business only. So sure, your degree will be very prestigious in the business world, but will be worth squat in pretty much any other field.

Finally, when dealing with Grandes Ecoles, one must not forget that very often, the hardest is to get in. Once there, one can almost slack one’s way to graduating.
This last statement may be a little exaggerated, but it’s true that prestigious schools want to stay prestigious, and a sure way to do that is to have a high percentage of graduating people as it would look bad to have drop-outs in those schools.


Which brings us to the second type of higher education one can have in France, and that is the university.
And while it’s true that there’s no selection process to go to a university, it’s not true that only the worst students go there (when they were accepted nowhere else for example). For one can get certain degrees in universities only, especially doctorate degrees. Whether it’s a PhD, a MD or any other doctorate degree, if you want one, you’ll have to go to a university, Grandes Ecoles can be as prestigious and as elite as they want, they don’t deliver Doctorate degrees. And I don’t know what you think, but for me, the most prestigious and elite degree one can get stays the doctorate.

This is how universities work in France:
-You don’t apply to them and go through a selection process.
-You just graduate from high school, and are allowed to go to the university that matches your major and that’s in your “académie” (administrative subdivisions for education that are geographical), even though it’s possible to go to an university not in your “académie” under certain circumstances (I forgot which ones).
-Universities are “major oriented”; to my knowledge, there’s no university in France that offers every major. For example, in Toulouse (second city in France in number of students after Paris), there are three universities: one for humanities, one for “hard” sciences and one for “social” sciences (economy, law, etc.).
-While there’s no selection to get into a university, it’s false that there’s no selection at all, as the drop-out rare is huge (more than 50% I think) as grading is based on a drastic pass/fail system (where passing is quite hard… I want to say you need more or less the equivalent of an American B+ to pass a class) and you get kicked out of the university after failing a certain number of classes (and believe me, the number of students that never failed a class is pretty low).
-They’re relatively cheap.
-They offer a variety of degrees, all based on the Bachelor’s (Licence), Master’s (Maîtrise), Doctorate (Doctorat) pattern.
-Universities are (in theory at least) all equal to each other, there’s no university that better than another one (in theory at least), and that includes the Sorbonne. That school is very important because it’s the oldest university in France (and maybe in the world I think), but while it’s far from being a bad school, it’s definitely not the best either, contrarily to what many foreigners think.

And if you don’t mind I’ll talk more into details of “life” in a French university another day (all the more technical and specific aspects).


But universities and Grandes Ecoles are not the only higher education institutions we have in France. We also have the BTS and the DUT. These two degrees are more or less similar except in the fact that the BTS is more professionally oriented, while the DUT is more academically oriented.
You see, one major problem of French higher education is that it tends to be cut from the “real world” and the job market.
BTS and DUTs were created in the goal to link education and then “real world” more closely.
These two types of degrees are delivered after two years of study in a very specific field of studies in which the student will become really proficient and “ready-to-work” as soon as he’s out of school. That is being attained in linking school and work as much as possible, thought specific classes, and internships that are intertwined with school.
They are quite selective (you need to apply and get accepted beforehand, non that differently from an American university), but as they’re only two years programs, they’re very often underrated.


There are also a bunch of other schools that are usually some sort of graduate schools where one goes to specialize in a certain field after a Bachelor’s or a Master’s.


Let’s talk about demographics now.

From Wikipedia:
-Number of students in 2006: 2,254,386

-In Universities: 1,285,408 (57%)
-In BTS/DUT: 342,098 (15%)
-In Grandes Ecoles: 76,160 (3%)
-Others: 550,720 (24%)
In “Others” I assume one finds schools such as “Political Science schools”, IUFM (where one learns to become a teacher after graduating from the university) and other similar schools that can be considered as some sort of graduate schools out of universities.

I’m sure that I have forgotten a few more obscure or rare types of schools and degrees, but I at least started to answer your question.

When will you start updating this blog again?

(asked by a few impatient readers)

And the answer is: right now!!!
Yes, the almost two month-long hiatus is finally over, I'm starting answering questions again, but as you can imagine my backlog is pretty big (the question I'll answer next was asked to me in March!), so if you've asked a question (other than "I like this French guys, what does he think about me?") please be patient, it's on the way.

In the meantime, you'll notice that I've gone all 2.0 and stuff (I even gave in to Twitter), so now you can follow this blog on Twitter, Facebook and Networkedblogs... Just check the widgets on the right hand column.

Be right back with a question and an answer

Are you Dead?

(asked by some regular readers)

No, don't worry, I'm doing well, I've just been busy with other things for the past month or so, and may be for a little more. So, this blog is taking some vacation.

As usual, if you've asked a question a few weeks ago, be patient, and keep on sending more if you feel like, I'll be back shortly.

What is the Gallic shrug ?

(asked by db, the same as the previous question)

What is the Gallic shrug ?

Other than that, best blog yet, and quite true too.


First of all, thanks for the kind word.

Now, the Gallic shrug.
First of all, I must underline that the Gallic Shrug "exists" only in the English speaking world, or should I say in the eyes of the English speaking world.
I have never heard of the Gallic shrug in the mouth of people from other countries.
Most likely because:
- Most other countries have their own equivalent to the Gallic shrug.
- I guess it surprises (or used to surprise) the Anglos to encounter this in France (you know how they are with France, always fantasizing and imagining France as heaven on Earth and other foolish things like that) while they expect it and are not surprised by it in other countries that are "less civilized" in their unconscious mind.

Then, what does it consist in?
Well, you'll find sites, books, people that'll tell you it's a shrug, with sometimes a pout or whatever else.
Actually, the Gallic shrug is more a state of mind than an actual gesture.
For example, I almost never shrug when I do a Gallic shrug.

And what does it mean?
Well, it basically means "I didn't mess it up, you did (or somebody else), not me, so why should it be my problem?"
It's more or less the French equivalent to "Deal with it" and/or "Shit happens."

And I assume it's an issue for the Anglos, and especially the Americans because they're under the strange assumption that they never have to fix their own problems or clean after themselves.
The most obvious thing being the customer service thing.
While I agree that customer service is good in the US and sometimes sucks in France (but not as much as Anglos think, they just don't know the unwritten rules), the general understanding that the one who pays that has all the rights, and the one that is being paid who has to be a slave to the former one just doesn't apply in France.
Money doesn't regulate the relationship between customers and sellers. It's just one of the two items that are being exchanged.

Hence, people encountering the "Gallic shrug" if they ask the wrong person to solve the wrong problem. Because not anybody will help you in a store when you have a problem, only the person whose job is to solve this problem, if such a person exists.

Now, I'll conclude by saying that this state of mind that I find very healthy and honest has one major downside: the administration!
Because everything administrative is so complex, nonsensical and quite Kafkaesque in France, nothing is nobody's problem, and yes it is a big pain in the ass to deal with the administration when there's a problem in this country, because it's never the clerk problem (of course it's not) so they'll be rarely helpful on the matter, and believe me it makes the French mad too...

What's your opinion on France's role in Algeria in the 50's and the war.

(asked by db from??? Maybe it’s the same David B than previously)

I would like to know your opinion on France's role in Algeria during the 1950s (actually during Algeria's war for independence), as well as their previous occupation of the country since about 1860 and Napoleon III.

(…) I feel like there's enough America bashing for the moment, I'd like to see some France bashing too (although you did say that history books and teaching programs are biased the world over, which is quite true).

Hope you'll satisfy my request.

(without bashing me, as can happen so often in such online discussions and debates)


Don’t worry about being bashed, I don’t know why I would do it as your question is very interesting (and is a welcome and healthy change from the “I’m dating a Frenchman” type of questions). And I do American bashing only when necessary, on that topic, the US doesn’t come into play, so I don’t need to bash them (and if I bash America a lot, it’s because “qui aime bien, châtie bien” as we say in France).

That being said, your question is hard to answer as you’re asking my opinion on the thing, and I’m no historian (and if you want simple facts, I guess Wikipedia and other sites can do the work better than me).

So what do I think about the colonization of Algeria and, well, the rest of colonization in general?
I think colonization was unacceptable. I guess I can’t develop the issue more. Maybe I can say that I understand it in the context of the 19th Century, but that doesn’t make it OK nonetheless (wow, I hadn’t use “nonetheless” in years).

And as far as the Algerian war in concerned, same thing. It’s one of the stupidest things France has ever got involved in.
Once again, I understand the logic behind it. France’s influence and power in the world had been seriously damaged in the wake of WW2, and some people couldn’t accept the fact that a territory that they considered as part of France wanting to be independent.
For those who don’t know it, contrarily to most of the colonies that were just that, colonies, Algeria had been fully integrated as a part of France, and this is why there was a war there and not for the other colonies (the rest of Africa became independent quite peacefully), Indochina being another issue, and more some sort of epilogue of WW2 as well as a prologue of the Cold War.

For you Americans (no bashing, I promise), it’s a bit like Hawaii was asking to be independent. I don’t think many Americans would be OK with this.
OK, I admit, the comparison is not exactly the same as native Hawaiians have the same rights as other Americans living in Hawaii if I’m not wrong.
What about if the Navajos proclaimed the independence of Arizona? Maybe it’s more similar to what happened in Algeria.

But in the end of the day, this war was unacceptable as well as pretty much everything that was going on in Algeria at the time:
-Despite the fact that Algeria was considered as France, not everybody was equal there: native Algerians didn’t have the same rights as European French.
-European French were literally plundering all the riches of the country, and only them would benefit from them.
-Once again, oil was a major issue there, as if Algeria had been incorporated in French territory (and not the rest of the African colonies), it’s not only because a lot of European French had moved there (more than a million people at the time of the war, most of them being second or even third generation), it’s also because Algeria was the only source of oil France had without having to import.

I don’t know if that answers your question. There’s obviously much more to add to the topic if we go into details, in which I could go if necessary.

What do the French think of the Québécois? (that's French Canadians for US Americans)

(asked by David B. from Québec)

I would like to know, what do the French really think of the Franco-Québécois, or even of the non-francophones from Quebec and Canada. Just to see as to how it differs from their overall and/or personal appreciation of that great American figure that is the college kid, the tourist, the expat, and their otherwise non as caricatural compatriots...

Well, first you need to know that the French are fully aware that Franco-Québécois are very different from anybody else in North America. That may not be the case with other Canadians, as French people can't really make a distinction between Americans and Anglo-Canadians, and as far as non-francophones from Québec, it's quite simple: they don't exist for French people.
For the French, Canada is composed by two populations:
-The English speakers that are all over Canada except Québec and that are either no different from Americans, or simply irrelevant.
-The French speakers that are in Québec and only in Québec.
-All the other ones (francophones outside of Québec, non-francophones in Québec, natives, etc.) simply don't exist.

And so, what do the French think about Franco-Québécois?
A few things...
Let's see...

-They think they speak funny, but delusional anti-Anglo French (the Anti-American ones, and the ones that are convinced that English is going to destroy the French language) love French Canadians for the resistance they symbolize against the Anglo enemy.
But be aware that those Talibans of the French language love the Québécois in Québec, but when really confronted to them they can be very condescending, after all, Québécois don't speak the "real" French according to them, just a bastardized French that just good enough as a wall against English.


-The second main issue with the Québécois and the French is : the Franco-Québécois singer issue. As our English-speaking readership may not be aware of, France is literally invaded by Franco-Québécois singers... Actually France has really few French singers, most of them really come from Belgium and Canada.
Why is that? Well, I think it makes sense when you're a Franco-Québécois singer that if you have a potential market of 60 million people on the other side of the ocean why get stuck with your home market of 7 millions? Also, they're somewhat exotic in France, which is always a good marketing tool.
And one thing everyone must be aware of, is that the French population is divided in two irreconcilable sides when it comes to Franco-Québécois singers in France.
On one side, you have people with no musical taste and/or standards whatsoever and they love them, they really are their favorite singers.
On the other side, you have people with musical taste/culture/standards, and they can't stand Franco-Québécois singers, and they hate the Québecois for sending them to us. (you must be aware that Céline Dion has been huge since the early 80's in France... yes... I know... I thank the Lord every day since the day she decided to move to the US and have a career there, except for the time when I lived in the US).
And actually I have a question for any Franco-Québécois that would read those lines: Why do your singers suck so much? Is that all because of the trend that Starmania started? Or were they terrible before that? Or do you have good ones, but you keep them to yourselves and prevent them from crossing the ocean?

Finally, I can't talk about Franco-Québécois and the French without talking about Marcel Béliveau. Know that the French love Marcel Béliveau, that he may be the funniest thing that ever came from the Americas for them, and it doesn't matter that he hasn't been seen for more than 10 years, all the French still love him and miss him dearly. If you're a Franco-Québécois and need a conversation starter with a French person, just mention Marcel Béliveau.

What about tipping?

(asked by Minette from New York)

I'm unsure about "tipping" at any eatery -- café, bistro, restau?

I understand that the "tip" is included in the total bill which is completely different from what I am used to in USA, especially New York. I also understand that it is OK and maybe even suggested to leave a small tip anyway if the service is good. I find it hard not to leave a tip so I always do. But I do leave a lesser amount than I would in the US since there is a tip is included. I am wondering what the wait staffs generally think about the tip left... is it insulting or not? Do the French often leave tips? Some waiters do say thank you while others say nothing. I don't care if they acknowledge it or not as that's not the point of leaving it. I'm just unsure if leaving a tip is OK or not. And I leave one even after just a quick café.


Well, the rule about tipping in France is that there are no rules. You never have to tip, even if in some cases, it's badly considered to not tip. I'm referring to guides here, not eateries.
First, the reason why you never have to tip is because, as opposed to other countries where tipping is common or even necessary (or even compulsory), waiters have real salaries, just like any other workers in France. You also may have notice that while waiter is a student job in the US (or a struggling actor job in NYC and LA), it's a "real" job in France.

What do the staff think about being tipped? They love it, of course, that's extra "free" money (I doubt they declare it in their taxes form...). Is it insulting? Never. Unless you leave just a few cents, it'll feel more like you're emptying your pocket than you're leaving a tip though (it will be insulting to anybody else though).

Do French people often leave tip?
It's hard to tell, I think it really depends on regions, social classes and such things. I personally don't have any rules when it comes to tipping. Whether I do it or not will depend mostly about three things:
-The price of the drink. If I think it's overpriced, I'm less likely to leave a tip.
-The waiter's behavior. The nicer they'll be, the more chances to get a tip they'll have.
I almost always tip nice waiters, I never tip mean waiters.
And I make bad publicity of the places where waiters try to rip me off, namely La Gentilhommière (Place St André des Arts, near St-Michel) and Le Rallye Dante (at the corner of rue Dante and rue Galande, in the 5th, near Notre-Dame). Avoid these two places at all cost, not only the waiters are not nice, but they'll try to rip you off (in both cases, I was there with foreigners, and they assumed we were tourists, and there you go...) So I promised myself to give them bad publicity every time I could...
Back to tipping...
-The third factor is change. Do I get change back when I pay? If yes, how much?

But the main factor will always be the waiter's behavior.
Also, I'm most likely to tip in a place where I've been before and where I plan on coming back in the not too distant future. And of course if I'm a regular of the places, I will most likely tip.

Finally, I tend to never leave a tip if I order just a coffee, as the tip will be almost as much as the price of the coffee, although coffee got so expensive in recent years...

I hope that helps.

Can French People Take Responsibility?

(asked by Annika in Alsace)

I have been dating a French boy for several years and whilst we have ironed out many cultural misunderstandings over the years, one baffling one remains - he rarely accepts responsibility when things are quite clearly his fault i.e. spilling a glass of water (it's my fault for balancing it so precariously on the table or for fetching the water in the first place) and if I mention a problem which is in no way related to him one of his first reactions is ''Ben, c'est pas ma faute!'' I know full well it's not his fault but why does he feel the need to assert this?!

As an aside I've witnessed this behavior regularly in France so I'm fairly sure it's not unique to my boyfriend. Could you shed any light on this compulsive need to blame and avoid responsibility for the most minor of things?


No this behavior is far from being unique to your boyfriend (although his case seems quite extreme). I think every French person is afflicted by it to a certain degree; yes, I admit, I have been guilty of it in the past, and will certainly be again in the future.
Why is that?
Hard to tell, but I think it comes from the way French people see honor.
Honor has many different definitions according to different cultures, and every culture has a different way of dealing with it.
For example, in Japan, saying that you’re sorry can excuse pretty much anything and people say it almost constantly.
In China it’s all about “saving face” (as long as the appearances are saved, everything is safe).
In the Anglo word, people seem to mostly care about consequences or payback, causes are rarely a focus.
In France, if you’re proven to be the cause of a failure, a problem, a mistake, that’s it. You’ve become worthless in the eyes of every citizen in the country. Your life as a respectable member of society is over.

Because of this, expressions such as “c’est pas ma faute” or “je ne l’ai pas fait exprès” (I didn’t do it on purpose) are among the very first expressions a French kid will learn, because since their youngest age they realize that they’ll get into trouble if their responsibility has been involved, and get out of any situation if the blame can be put on anything or anyone else.

And this trait of character will stay with the French person all their life.
It can express itself in many ways:
-in a heated debate, everyone will be sure to be right and the other ones to be wrong. And once somebody has been proven wrong, he or she will still find a way to not admit that they’re wrong.
-every government will blame its shortcomings on the previous government failures (ok, I’ve seen non-French governments do that too).
-the current behavior of CEOs of big companies facing the current crisis (they don’t take responsibility; they just take their golden parachutes instead).
-the list could go on.

OK, I admit, I just started to scratch the surface with that topic, but you’ll have to bear with me. I’ve been pretty busy lately and I didn’t want this blog to become dormant (see, I’m avoiding responsibility for the incomplete answer to the question).

As usual, feel free to add anything pertinent to the topic in the comments.

What's with the scarves?

(asked by Red from Chicago but currently in Paris)

What's with the scarves? Despite that it's winter now, women and most men feel naked without this accessory, why? It's funny, cos I wear them more than usual now, and going back to the States, people will comment or poke fun about how "euro-chic" I look in my little scarf... I understand that fashion is a step up from sweatpants and Ugg boots, but that can be achieved (quite often) sans scarf. I've lived in few locations throughout the US (IL, CA, FL) and never (unless it's bitter cold in IL) would you catch a man donning a scarf for fashion... or a man-purse (but that's another question for another day).


What's wrong with scarves? I'm not sure I really understand your question, are you asking why do French people wear scarves in Winter?

Well, the simple answer is to keep warm in the neck area and to not catch pneunomia or similar unpleasant sickness caused by cold and humidity.

So, sure in Paris it's also more than a practical piece of clothing and it is also a fashion accessory. And it makes sense as it's cold about 10 months a year in Paris, so one tends to wear scarves more than in other places in France or the world that have a decent climate.

Now, I'm not sure what you mean about scarves and the US, but during my time in the US, I lived a couple of years in a quite cold region, and believe me, everybody wore scarves in the Winter.

Is he married?

(asked by anonymous (I wonder why) from Dublin)

I met a Frenchman when he was here for one week in Dublin, Ireland learning English. We went on date to dinner and kissed afterwards. I slept with him that night and he went home. We texted regularly and he came back to see me for 2 weeks a month later. He is divorced with two children, ex-French navy. We still text and email each other and he has asked me to meet in Marseilles and different cities abroad where his work takes him, but never to visit his home. My question is, given the attitude French people have towards extra-marital affairs, is this the behavior of a married Frenchman or do they need to get to know a girl better before they "take her home" so to speak...


So my brief answer is “yes, he’s so totally married and doesn’t even have the guts and honesty to tell you (now, if you expect honesty from a cheating man, maybe you knocked at the wrong door).”
The other option is that he’s into you just for the sex and nothing else.

I guess this is all there’s to tell about this story.

Now, if I bothered to respond to this question despite the fact that it is anonymous and is totally personal, it is that because one part of it made me go “oh, oh, stupid stereotype here, it’s your job to clear this up Frenchman!” (I don’t think I ever called myself “Frenchman” in this blog before, but the comment of the other idiot the other day was so funny, I feel like I have to now… now that I think about it, I think this comment was not here, but on another blog I was commenting… oh well, it’s not like we care, is it?)
So, the part in question is: “given the attitude French people have towards extra-marital affairs”
I wonder what she alludes to here… Yeah, right, unfortunately I totally know what she alludes to… It’s that it’s common and normal to cheat on your wife when you’re French…
This is stereotype is not the most talked about, but may be one of the most common one about Frenchmen… Even my boss (who’s American and who’s lived in France more than 20 years and who know more than some French people about France) has been guilty of mentioning it a couple of times…

So, where does the truth lie?

In many places…

First, a little bit of history.
Back in the days, when you were part of the aristocracy, you rarely (we can even safely say: never) married to your loved one, but to the one that your parents had decided it was best you marry for the interest of the family’s assets and such.
So, of course, when you don’t marry for love, your propensity to have affairs is quite big and it’s safe to say that most nobles and aristocrats had affairs on a regular basis. It doesn’t mean they constantly fucked around (well, some did), but very often, it meant that you had your spouse and your loved one on the side not too far and very often you spent more time with them than with your spouse… History is full of examples with kings and such and not only in France (and not only in the past: Charles, Camilla, Diana, anyone?)

Then, the Revolution happened, and the bourgeoisie took the reins of society (I simplify a bit, this is not a history lesson right now). First their goal was to differentiate themselves from the previous dominant class… But quite quickly, dominant classes do what dominant classes do, and most of the time, those habits don’t come from the fact you’re a noble or a bourgeois or anything else, it comes from what place you have in society.
And the bourgeoisie started to have important assets (money, titles, reputations and such) and they married accordingly and not for love, just like their predecessors did. And it was as common as a practice among bourgeois as it used to be among the aristocracy to have lovers and mistresses and such. Still, it was a bit less socially acceptable to do it in the open, so the thing became a bit more hush hush, despite the fact that it was still common practice.

What about nowadays?
Nowadays, the dominant class marries for love (at least I hope they do, even if you’ll never see a bourgeois marry somebody from the ghetto… but it’s more a question of homogamy here) and I guess cheating is now a sign of power and of being part of the dominant class.
All of those things are what gave us, Frenchmen, this despicable reputation. So, it’s not totally unjustified, but it’s definitely not a generalization to do either.

Now, it would be a lie to say that only the dominant class does it, one can find cheaters in any social environment, but I don’t think it’s that different in the rest of the Western world. Cheaters are everywhere, they’re shameful and dishonest people, I don’t think I can say much more about them without being rude.

Why Don't French Pay Phones Take Coins?

(asked by Samayi C. from Canada)

Why don't French pay phones take coins? Such a pain!

You mean French pay phones still exist?


OK, the reason is pretty simple. French pay phones used to take coins, but they were:

-unpractical : you always needed to add coins during your conversation, which would be cut if you didn't do it fast enough (remember that local calls are not "free" in France).

-always vandalized : in the late 70's, early 80's it had become a habit for burglars, gangsters and other ruffians to pillage pay phones for easy cash, and this had become a quite lucrative business as in some cities or neighborhoods it became next to impossible to find a working pay phone, I don't exaggerate.


So, shortly after the card with integrated microchip was invented by Roland Moreno, it was decided that pay phones with coins would be put out of business and be replaced by phones that work with a prepaid card.

Those phone cards were called "Télécartes" and they were a huge success, became ubiquitous, as well as support for advertising, public announcements and campaigns; people collected them, with a trading market and all.

But one day, cell phones came along...

Cards with integrated microchip have stayed a huge success but for other uses: ATM cards (every single bank card in France has had an integrated microchip for about two decades), National Health cards ("Carte Vitale"), etc.

And sure, it was not always a convenient thing for foreigners, but during they heydays, every guide to France would mention the need to get a prepaid phone card when you arrive (you could find them pretty much everywhere)... Nowadays, I guess it must not always be fun for foreign tourists.

How do you recognize gay men in France?

(asked by anonymous)

Let's see if I can formulate my question

French men dress very well (for the most part) and a lot have very feminine gestures but are totally straight. Men in the US, when they dress as put together (no offense to metrosexuals) and have feminine gestures, one can pretty much knows that they are gay. But in France, how do you tell?



I find this question interesting, not because it’s interesting in itself (we all know that gay men have a gaydar and can recognize each other, and that if you’re not gay, what do you care whether the person in front of you is gay or not ?)
I find it interesting, because the person asking the question is guilty of something too many people from any country are guilty of (even me sometimes, even if I try not to) is to think that your cultural references are universal and not specific to your own culture.

Today: gender.

No, don’t be afraid, I won’t go deep into gender studies (a field that’s interesting at first, but becomes a bit idiotic when you get a bit too involved, in my opinion) and I won’t go as far as finding examples in remote cultures from places we’ve never or rarely heard of and where gender lines are very unusual and all…

So, according to anonymous, in the US, it’s simple, heterosexual males are slobs (except for metrosexuals) and gay men are not.
While in France it’s more complicated as all men are effeminate and dress well…

Well, anonymous, what can I say except that your definition of effeminate is a bit… narrow…?
I guess you’re not to blame, as you mentioned the US, I’ll assume you’re American and in the US a man has to be full of testosterone, a slob, drink beer and burp loud and own a gun or he’s not a real man.
I know it’s a cliché, and many American men are not like that…

Still, the number of American men who think I’m gay is incredibly high while I’m by no means effeminate according to French standards. And when I say American men, I should say American straight men, because no gay man in America every thought I was gay (except one, but he was 17 and just starting to understand his own sexuality and these kinds of things).

So yeah, in the US, the stereotype of the “Man” is as previously described and every man that doesn’t fit that stereotype is suspect… and as such potentially gay… I won’t go into homophobia, it’ll bring us too far, but this is more or less what we’re talking about here.

What about France?
Well, first of all, in France not everybody dresses well, even if most people have a general understanding of what it is to dress correctly…
But in France, the stereotype of the “Man” is different: a real man in France is usually very eloquent, well-educated, funny and witty (and possibly well dressed). Things that are seen as effeminate in the US, but not in France.
I’ll go even further by saying that for a Frenchman, somebody that works out a lot, acts all macho and frat boyish is not exactly comfortable with his manhood (to go to such extent to show off your heterosexuality in such ways is suspect) or even with his own sexuality.

What do you guys think?

What do French people think about Dutchmen and other Northern-Europeans?

(asked by Michel M. from the Netherlands)

I hope you can answer my question.
My question is: What do French people think, in general, about Northern-Europeans? By ''Northern-Europeans'' I mean Dutchmen, Germans, and Swedes for example.
I've heard that French people think that Dutchmen and other Northern-Europeans have a ''cold personality'', that they are less ''chaleureux'' than the French (Cause France, is the country of ''amour''). Is this true?
Greetings,



Yeah, I guess this is a general stereotype about Northern Europeans. But then, I don’t really know if all the French have the same preconceived (mis)conceptions about Northern Europeans as some of them live pretty near France.

I guess Southern French people will have the general feeling that Northern Europeans are colder, but they’ll have that feeling about Northern French people as well.
Whereas Northern French people may have a more detailed view of Northern Europeans, and think that Southern Europeans are more welcoming, but that their friendships are more shallow too and those kinds of things, of course, they’ll also think that of Southern French people.

I don't think I can go into more details with just the label “Northern Europeans.”

If you go down to more details, let’s say, each nationality, preconceptions will be more precise.
I guess one can say that the French think that the German are colder, more logical, and more organized, the Swedes are tall, blonde, gorgeous women (there are no men in Sweden according to the French) and that the Dutch are the most liberal people on this planet and are much more relaxed and easy going than their neighbors (must be the pot).

I don’t think I can answer with more details without falling into the national caricatures or on the contrary without saying the usual: the more you know a nation, the more you realize what’s true and not true about preconceptions, and that they don’t apply to all people, but I think that’s stating the obvious -even though I’m not sure it’s always that obvious for everybody if I trust some comments I get sometimes (see yesterday in previous post for example)

Do you have any suggestions on how to be an un-annoying American student in Paris?

(asked by anonymous from New York)

Hi Mr. Frenchman,
So in poking around your blog I have noticed that, simply put, the French don't seem to like American study abroad students much. Living in New York, I can certainly understand the hatred for obnoxious and slow moving tourists, but I think in general Americans find foreign students interesting and exciting. Or, at least those who really have an interest in learning about America and trying to practice and improve their English. I do admit that I would hate your description of the American Student in Paris hell bent on debauchery too. But obviously this is a stereotype, and not all of us are like that. Now I know that I will never pass for French and I have no shame in being American, but besides the obvious (i.e. not wearing sweatpants out of the house, not screaming in English all over the place) do you have any suggestions on how to be an un-annoying American student in Paris?


Let’s start with American students in France, especially in Paris…
First of all, let me insist on one point. Like in any other aspects, what you do gives a reputation to everyone in your country of origin, and sadly, the bad things you do always have a stronger impact than the good things you do.
For example, if there’s a guy who’s a complete jerk in the metro, if he’s French, people will think “this guy is really a jerk” but if he’s American, people will think “this American is really a jerk” and that will be one more nail in the coffin of America reputation’s abroad.
This obviously works in any country, America included, not just France.

If I took the example of the metro it’s not random. For some reason, most of American student jerkiness I witness in Paris happens in the metro, which is also the place where most French people will encounter American students in their daily life.

That being said, and like many other things in life and on this planet, it’s always the loud minority that’s going to give a reputation to the silent majority, because of course most Americans students in Paris (and more generally, abroad) are decent people, but it’s the few jerks that give a bad reputation to all the rest. Locals won’t even notice the other decent ones or will consider them as decent people, not decent Americans. Life is not fair, I know.

So if you’re a student abroad, be aware of that, of your own behavior, but also of your friends’ behavior. If they start doing something stupid in public, don’t just laugh, but try to prevent them from doing it.
Why is it Americans students (even a minority) that always behave stupidly in public places though is still a mystery to me. Other foreign students usually behave normally most of the time. But yeah, for some Americans, abroad, especially Paris, is some sort of Neverland where nothing is real and everything is designed for their own entertainment, as if the US was an island floating on a planet-wide Disneyland.
I don’t think we’ll ever be able to change that, at least not until most Americans realize that they’re no different from anybody else and that their country is just one among more than 200.

So, how do you do not to be stigmatized as a “stupid American student”?
It’s not that hard really.
Of course, not wearing sweat pants is a good start, but unless you have a good sense of (international) fashion, chances that your clothes give you away as American are pretty high.

The answer has to lie elsewhere.
It simply is in your behavior.
I dropped a few hints in the previous lines, but basically always remember that:

-You’re in the real world, not some sort of fantasy world.
-You represent your country, whether you like it or not.
-Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do at home.
-Don’t do many of the things you would do at home.
-Basically do as Romans do, but also as Parisians do.
-But don’t try to appear or act French, you’ll fail (one of the funniest thing I can see in Paris is American students sitting at a café terrace, with a glass of wine and a cigarette just waiting as if something magical was gonna happen… hints: if you don’t smoke at home don’t pretend to do so in Paris, don’t drink wine in a café, wine is mostly consumed during meals, not in cafés).
-Be respectful of people you know, but also people you don’t know, you’ve never seen and you’ll never see again.
-Be respectful of yourself, don’t make a fool of yourself… ever…
-Don’t speak that loud. Americans don’t always realize that the “normal” volume of their voice is considered “loud” according to French standards. I know it’s hard to change such a thing that is so unconscious, but try nonetheless.
-Be friendly but not too friendly.
-And finally and most important, don't see the place as "abroad" but as "your current home".

I may have forgotten a few.
As usual, if anybody wants to add extra information, feel free.