Mmmm.... Is that why?

A huge number of people arrived on this blog today with the following query on google: "how to impress a French man", just in the last 90 minutes, 23 people arrived this way.

I was wondering why, and then I stumbled upon that commercial that aired during the Super Bowl last night.

The funny thing being that I noticed that commercial, but didn't really pay attention to it while it was airing (I guess I was checking my e-mail or pouring a glass of water), although I heard something in French...

So, is that why so many people are making that query? But the commercial is about a French woman, not a French man...

After checking on Google, I guess a lot more people have been typing "impress a French girl" but that query that lead here, whereas "impress a French guy" gives my blog as the first answer.

Interesting...

Also, note that the people who made that commercial didn't do their homework as one doesn't get married in Church in France (well, one can, but it has no legal value), but I guess it had to make sense for an American audience (no, I didn't imply "dumbing it down").

Sergio wants to move to France, but he's only in High School, can we all help him?

Hey, my name is Sergio, 16 from Austin, Texas and I was reading your blog...neat stuff.

I'm actually a Francophile, meaning I literally have an obsession with learning the French language. I am Mexican-American, obviously speaking both English and Spanish as my native languages and trying to learn French. I was actually wondering if it would be difficult for me to live in France, as an English or Spanish teacher or a civil engineer. I have already read Lola's e-mail, but my question is different because I have not been exposed to Europe or to European culture. I have a deep yearning to learn French, and maybe becoming a French citizen.

Do you think my skills in both languages would help me?

I'm still in High School and I am planning to study here in the United States. Can I keep my American citizenship and become a French citizen?

Is there any demand for Spanish speakers?

What cultural gaps or similarities do French people have or differ with Latin Americans or Americans? My culture is both Mexican and American. I am a foreigner in Mexico and in the US, so moving to France would not bring me any "culture shock"

I hope this topic is interesting...hopefully you know how to answer my questions! (My parents think I'm crazy!)

Sergio

Hi Sergio,

Wow, you seem pretty motivated and have a pretty set plan for somebody your age; and seeing that you’re only 16, my first two pieces of advice about your future big move to France are: be patient, and stay in school as long as you can, do not rush anything.

Now, your answers:

-Would it be difficult to live in France? I don’t know, but it’ll depend more on you, who you are as a person, your personality, tastes, adaptability to different cultures and those things, rather as what job you’ll have or whether you’ve been exposed to Europe before or not.

And I can’t really give you advice for the job market, as it will be different when you’re finally out of school and ready to look for that job in France.

Keep in mind one thing though: you’ll need a visa to stay in France, there are several ways to get a visa (search through this blog, you’ll find more details on the topic).

If you become a language teacher, being able to teach both English and Spanish may help you, but keep in mind that if you don’t already have that visa, you won’t get one because of that, lots of Brits and Spaniards will apply for that job too and they won’t need a visa, so they’ll most likely be chosen over you.

But there’s always the option of being an language assistant which is one of the best way to get your feet wet into a new country. I’m sure some readers will gladly give you more advice on that issue, as I personally have no idea about how one become an English or Spanish assistant in France (I could look it up, but if I can, you can too).

Also your skills in both languages can help you as a language teacher, but only if your degree is somewhat related to both languages, sometimes in France one can have all the skills and experience in the word, if one doesn’t have the degree, one will have a hard time to get that job. And if you need to keep only one of those languages (I mean, for that degree of course), keep English, English teachers will always be in demand anywhere in France. Spanish teachers on the other hand…

Concerning citizenship:

I often hear Americans or other foreigners (but mostly Americans) thinking that settling in France means getting French citizenship. Those are two separate things.

One can live in France their whole life without ever becoming a citizen. On the other hand I assume it’s possible to become French and not live in France (although I doubt it, but who knows there are always loopholes).

Most foreigners immigrating to France don’t get French citizenship. Back in the days it was really easy, nowadays things have changed and are changing as I speak with your current government that loves foreigners so much (irony inside). But that doesn’t mean one cannot get a resident card (more or less the equivalent of a green card in the US). Here too, readers are welcome to pitch in with their own experiences, the only one I sort of know in details in the “spouse visa”.

But let’s say you really want to become a citizen after all of those years in France (yeah, can’t happen after many years in France anyways), can you keep your US nationality. I’ve always been under the impression that you couldn’t, but I’ve recently heard of several people who did, so I guess you can. But if you’re also a Mexican citizen (are you?) I think it’s almost impossible to have three nationalities (but who knows?)

Concerning cultural gaps and similarities with Latin Americans:

I’m not too sure. I’ve met a few Latin Americans in the US (even dated two) and their culture was quite different from the French one. Truth to be told, I felt like the US culture was closer to mine than the Latin American ones. Don’t get fooled by the fact that France has a “Latin” culture. The word Latin in that last statement, has a very different meaning from the one it has in America, the word “Mediterranean” is more accurate maybe. Also, that’s true only for some parts of France (roughly the South East, and the Eastern part of the South West).

That being said, I’ve met a few Latin Americans in France (but I never was close to any of them) and they seemed to have an easier time to adapt to the French culture at first, but on the longer term, I feel Anglos adapt more, as if the Latin Americans’ adaptation was just superficial. But I really don’t have enough knowledge on the topic to draw any conclusion, and my observations may even be quite erroneous.

Culture shock now.

I know what you mean by feeling a foreigner both in Mexico and in the US, the same goes for many people that live abroad (I went through that phase when I lived in the US) or that are the children of immigrants (and for them it is usually not a phase), but don’t fool yourself about not experiencing culture shock if you move to France.

You may feel like a foreigner in both of your countries, but fact is, you do have a culture (the Mexican-American culture) and that culture is not the French one. So wherever you go, you’ll have a culture shock, everybody does, regardless of their situation at home. Culture shock means that you encounter a culture that you don’t understand, from the most insignificant every day life things to the deeper more complicated and philosophical ones. Some will be dealt with in a matter of days. Some never will.

I guess I answered everything. If you have follow-up questions, do not hesitate to comment, as well as anybody that has more information to share.

Can you explain the difference between Private and Public Spheres in France?

(asked by Anyuli from Puerto Rico)

Hello,

I recently stumbled upon your blog, and I think it offers some funny and insightful commentary on French culture. I'm a recent graduate from Puerto Rico, who studied abroad in France for a year and is now moving there to pursue a Master's degree. In your blog you briefly mention the distinction between the "public and the private spheres". I glimpsed at this through interactions with my significant other and my French host family. In Latin America, there isn't much of a fine demarcation between each person's public and private worlds. Could you expand a little on this distinction of the private vs. the public in French culture?

Thanks so much,

Anyuli

Thanks for the kind word Anyuli, and thanks for the question as it’s a topic that I find most interesting. The problem is that it will be hard to answer thoroughly, from experience I feel that it’s a topic that one needs to experience (possibly on the long term) to really understand.

I think I understand what you mean about the absence of real demarcation between both worlds in your culture (Little know fact about “David the Frenchman”: I have dated a Puerto Rican in the past, and yes, I thought her dad was a little bit too nosy about our relationship as we were both adults, it almost felt like back in high school at times).

I think that there are a public and a private spheres in every culture but their definitions and limits will also be unique to every culture.

And in France, more than many other cultures the demarcation between both spheres will be very clear. But as usual, keep in mind that this limit will vary a little bit from individual to individual, as well as social classes, age, etc.

The way I would define public from private is that:

Is public about me any thing that I don’t care whether people know or not.

The rest is private.

But even for a unique individual, that line will vary according to circumstances.

For example, on this blog, I like to keep a certain degree of anonymity. When I first started it, the idea behind it was that I could be any Frenchman, just because of the blog’s concept. As time went on, the blog grew in audience, and I would answer in a more and more subjective and personal way to some questions. So as anybody can read this, there’s always a chance that a random reader would make the connection to me (as an offline individual) and there’s always a chance that it backfires.

But I’m almost digressing here as it has more to do with Internet behavior and the “healthy paranoia” one needs to have when using it.

But you see, while my identity is by no means secret here (all of my friends who care about it know that I write this blog) I don’t go spill personal information here either.

Because personal information is reserved to the people I know well and trust.

And basically, the general rule of what you keep for yourself or what you share with somebody in France is: the more you know and trust a person, the more you’re likely to share information about yourself with that person.

Here is an interesting example I stumbled upon recently that could help you understand. I’m currently working on the post-production of a documentary (that may be broadcast on PBS at some point, no idea when though, it shouldn’t be totally finished before a few more months), I’m doing translation and subtitling work, so I have nothing to do with the directing, editing, etc, no need to be congratulating me. ;)

So in this documentary, the director interviews an old French man about something important that he did back in the 70’s. But as an introduction, the director first asks him to tell the camera about his childhood. The reaction of the man is very interesting and telling.

He finds the idea totally ludicrous and he almost seems offended to be asked such a question, telling the director that he’s here to talk about that event in the 70’s and nothing else.

That scene is typical of a misunderstanding an American and a French could have about public and private boundaries.

For the American director, childhood data (place of birth, number of siblings, parents’ jobs, etc) is not a secret, not that important, just small talk, hence it belongs to the public sphere; one can tell those things to anybody, it’s more a conversation starter than anything else.

For the Frenchman, those pieces of information deal with family, are off-topic; so they have no reason to be part of the interview as they’re private (while the thing is being interviewed for is very public).

Do you start seeing what I mean?

(For those who care, the Frenchman soon understands the “introduction” value of the question and answers it in length, although I don’t know how much is going to make the final cut).

So, trying to summarize, a French will consider public anything that has to do with their job, their “social hobbies”, anything you don’t do at home and that is not a secret.

The “public sphere” while a somewhat metaphorical sphere is also a physical space that is made of… public spaces: the street, stores, restaurants, workplace, etc.

On the other hand, a French will consider private, things that are “none of your business.” What are those things exactly will depend on circumstances and people (who the person is and who they’re interacting with too).

And the “private sphere” will physically be people’s homes mostly, but also some “bubbles” that will show and disappear from time to time.

Let’s take the example of two people having dinner at a restaurant.

The restaurant is a public space, so their dining in the restaurant belongs to the public sphere, but their conversation and anything that happens at the table that is not obvious by just glancing at it (as opposed to watching or staring) will be private.

And a third person would need to act accordingly if they want to interact with them (waiter put aside).

If you don’t know them, you shouldn’t talk to them (unless you really need to) or pay attention to them (unless they’re making a show or becoming loud, in that case, their behavior becomes public).

If you know them just a little, whether you’re just passing by (if they’re at a terrace) or dining in the same restaurant, a nod of acknowledgement will be enough.

If they’re friends, you can stop and say hi. How long you’ll be “allowed” to stay will depend on how well you know both of them. You won’t be able to sit unless they invite you to though.

If you’re family, same thing more or less.

Also note that if it’s rude for the public to invade the private, it is also rude the other way around.

This is one of the reasons it’s considered rude by French people to talk loud the way most Americans and  Latins (whether from Latin America, Spain or Italy) do.

Remember, if I can hear what you say, that means what you say is encroaching the public sphere when it really shouldn’t.

For some reasons, more and more Parisian people don’t think that rule applies when they’re telling the most trite things on their cell phone while sitting right next to you on the bus or the metro.

OK, I’m not sure I answered to that question in a satisfying way, I feel that what I said applies more or less to most of the Western World. If anybody has follow-up questions, examples or anything else that can make the answer more satisfying, as usual, feel free to comment.

The Food Issue

Not a question today, but just a reminder for my American audience.

Regularly on this blog, the question of food arises, and I say that American food is terrible, one of the worst in the world, and some people say that:

-American cuisine can be good.

-One can find good products in the US.

Can American cuisine be good?

Yes it can. But it's more the exception than the rule. All in all, American cuisine is not good, and won't be good for another few centuries, if it ever does. There are very simple reasons for that:

-Cuisine doesn't appear magically, it evolves like everything else. All the countries that have good cuisine do so for a few reasons: they have very old cultures and traditions and often they also are in regions where a wide variety of foods can grow (that's for the varied ones, but pretty much every old culture has good food, even if not too varied).

-There's a certain eating tradition for those countries. Food is important. Not just for a few individuals or "foodies" or whatever you want to call them, but for most or all of the population. Spend some time with a French, an Italian, a Vietnamese or a Japanese, and you'll see that they think about food as much as some Americans think about sex or money. For many cultures, eating is not just feeding oneself, it's an activity in itself, a social experience, an important part of the day.

The way that most Americans eat is simply unthinkable for people from many other countries. And I'm not talking only about junk food, but things like at night, the family not eating together around a table and things like that.

Also, having a food culture is having an education about foods and tastes, it's knowing different tastes and flavors, it's being curious about new ones and these things. It's not thinking that "it tastes like chicken" when one eats a new meat, simply because one knows only two meat flavors "beef" and "chicken" and as American chicken is quite tasteless. For me this expression is complete nonsense, as I know different tastes for chicken depending on many factors (different parts of the chicken, different types of chicken, different dishes including chicken, etc.)

It's not asking "what's in it?" and freak out and refuse to try it if it contains something unknown, strange, unusual, weird.

See what I mean?

Products now.

Yes, one can find good products in the US... In some parts of the country, in some special stores, if one knows where to look. And that's an argument I get over and over again when the issue is discussed. Except that it's totally missing the point.

In a country that cares about food, not only "one can find good products" but one will find good products by default. Except for a few exceptions, one just needs to go to any random grocery store and they will find good products. Not only fresh products, but also good quality dried/canned/prepared foods.

I'll end by two things (because I could go on and on, but it's lunchtime and I'm hungry):

Why is food so crappy in the US? It's not only because of the lack of "cuisine history" but also because of the usual greed that rules the country to the point that profit is everything and above common sense or even health (or even the future of the planet and humankind, but that's for another topic).

A few reminders about poultry, beef, and even vegetables for you vegetarians (and I'm not even mentioning GMOs).

Finally, not everything is perfect in France, greed is taking over more and more, big corporations and their lobbyists are attacking food regulations more and more, and crappy food is more and more common in France, especially in Paris which doesn't have local food, and usual the poorer populations are the ones affected first (because the crappier the cheaper, the better the more expensive)

Are there really four French women for every straight French man ?

(asked by Madeline from somewhere)

While with a cab driver in Paris I stuck up a conversation about French men and monogamy to which he replied:

"There are two women for every Frenchman but it's great because half the men are gay so it's four women for every Frenchman!"

I wouldn't have doubts for any other reason other than he was the most creepy man in the world and had a strange fascination with murder.

So Madeline, if you were in France at that moment, you must have seen that there were about as many French men as French women in the streets and pretty much anywhere else (except maybe in Zara or at a soccer game). Because guess what? The cab driver was joking! A non-funny slightly sexist and homophobic joke, but a joke nonetheless.

But still, it's my duty to answer this question, so I will.

At the last census, in 2006, it was established that there were in France:

-28,696,033 French men.

-30,841,909 French women.

(source: INSEE)

I know, those numbers don't include French people living abroad, we assume that there are between 1 and 2 millions of them, but as there are no official number (not all of them are registered in the their consulate) we are going to assume that the ratio is roughly the same as the one in France.

And that ratio is: 1.075 French women for every French man.

Why are there more women? Because, like pretty much everywhere else in the world, there are slightly more women that are born than men (edit: actually not, my bad, see comments for details), and like pretty much everywhere else in the world, women tend to live a few years longer than men.

Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to find the ratio between straight men and women.

Like everywhere else in the world, between 3 and 10% of French men are gay (no official statistics on homosexuality, hence the big margin), as you see we're far from 50% (who in their right mind thinks that?).

So, if we have 3% of the male population that is gay, that gives us about 860,880 gay men in France and 27,835,173 straight men (for the sexist purpose of these statistics, bisexual men will be considered as straight, we'll just take them in a moment when they're attracted to a woman).

In this case, there will be 1.1 French woman per straight French man.

But the number of gay people is most likely closer to 10%, so that gives us about 2,869,603 gay men in France and 25,826,430 straight men.

In that case, there will be close to 1.2 French woman for every straight French man.

I'm sure your outlook on life has changed after learning that.

But wait? What about lesbians? Why are they included in the final count? Wasn't the whole thing about finding out how many women on average a polygamist could get?

Ask an American?

(asked by Sarah, from New York)

Do you think a blog in French to ask an American questions would have a lot of interest? I find it interesting that even though Americans have a lot of negative stereotypes on France, we are very nostalgic and interested in their culture. But, I don't the impression that the French would be as interested. 

Guess what... A little while after starting this blog, I wondered the same thing, and I started that blog. Sure, the concept was a little different as I'm obviously not American, but the idea was kinda the same.

Well, as you'll see if you visit it, it never really took off (don't be fooled by the question from last week), to the point that I tried to change the concept with the "bumper sticker" thing at some point (a stupid idea to show the blog was still alive in order to attract questions).

The ironic thing is that it still generates traffic, not as much as here, it's more along the lines of 10-20 hits a day. More than 90% of visitors come through one Google search and only one: "What do Americans think of the French?"

So why is that?

Not because that's the only thing French people want to know about America and Americans.

It's more a mix of:

-In France, we are swamped with American stuff (movies, show, in the news, etc) to the point that most French people think they know America. And any French person that lives or has lived in the US will tell you about all the trouble they have with some of their compatriots that adamantly believe they know everything about the US and that will even dismiss you when you try to make them understand that they're wrong.

-In France, admitting ignorance is very hard for some people for many reasons (Olivier M. explains that time and again in his blog that you must read if you don't do so yet), so French people will gladly google something they're ignorant about (and then show off with the recently learned information as if they always knew it), but will be very reluctant to ask a question themselves on a blog with this format.

That being said, if you feel like trying, go for it, and tell us how it goes.

More on Racism, Minorities, Religions and a few more things in France.

(asked by Sarah, from New York)

First of all, Sarah, and everybody else, make sure that you have a comment to write as well as some questions, you don't write them together as I'll have to either not treat your question as its own post, or -as in this case- I won't be able to publish the comment, and will have to either edit the whole thing, or keep even if it seems a little bit out of context. Thanks :)

Now, the question/comment:

I too was under the impression that France had a more serious and systemic racism issue because of the riots, the whole veil saga and most recently Sarkozy's statement on the banning of the burka.

I have also seen several movies on this issue (La Haine, The Class/Entre Les Murs, the documentary Might is Right by Patric Jean, etc.) so I'll admit that perhaps my hyper-focus on this issue has caused me to lose perspective. In the US I feel that racism is still a serious issue, but that racists are just a VERY loud minority.

However, I am a huge France football fan, and I do feel that a lot of the articles discussing the make-up of the French team are racist (and I'm reading French articles, not English articles on the French team). I sometimes feel that it is more acceptable (there is less of a stigma) attached to saying racist things in France than in the US. I also find that I am more likely to find anti-Semitic things printed in French papers than in the US .

But, I have to remind myself that Europe has never had a Civil Rights Movement (not that this has solved all the problems in the US). But, it is disgraceful when I see professional athletes being goaded with monkey chants, having bananas thrown at them, etc. I don't think France is nearly as overtly racist as Spain though (I can't believe the Spain coach was able to keep his job after calling Thierry Henry a "black shit" on camera).

So, I have a few follow-up questions related to the treatment of North African descendants/Islamic traditions in France. I am fascinated by the Maghrebin culture in France (for others, Maghrebin refers to people of North African descent).

1) Can you please explain the "Daughters of France, Daughters of Allah" movement? I find that it is a very tricky issue. On one hand I worry that it perpetuates the idea that feminism is incompatible with Islam. However, given some of the gendered violence that exists in the French suburban ghettos, I can understand how it has gained popularity.

2) As I'm studying French, I increasingly find myself getting stuck on French slang that is derived from Arabic or Verlan (which, to be honest, I'm not 100% sure what Verlan is). I can't tell you how long it took me to figure out what "nana" and "meuf" mean. I know you don't answer language questions, but I think this is more of a cultural issue. How popular is Verlan used in France outside of the Beur community (North African community)? Is it like in the US where there are just things that would seem "unusual" if a white person said it?

Ok, a lot of things to tackle here (as I'll comment on your comment as well as try to answer your questions)

First of all, make sure you don't lump different things together.

The riots of 2005 have nothing to do with racism, they were social riots, not racial or religious ones as they have all too often been presented abroad (especially in the US) and as a matter of fact most issues from the suburban ghettos in France are all too often perceived as racial (even by some French people) when they're really social. Keep in mind that in those "ghettos" you have people from many different origins, Europe (and even France) included.

Same thing with the whole veil/burka issues, those are religious and laicity issues, not racial ones. Remember that in France, there's an actual separation of Church and State, and religious things are more or less tolerated in the public sphere. The burka and the Muslim veil are perceived by many French people as an unacceptable invasion of religion in the public sphere, there's no racial undertone there (of course racist people will be against them, but many non-racist people too), as a matter of fact, and there aren't any official statistics here, but I have the feeling that most women wearing a full burka are Muslim converts, but I may be wrong.

Also, yes, if all you watch are films with tackling minorities and racism, you may then tend to see racism everywhere, especially in places where it's nowhere.

Racists in France are too (like in most countries?) a loud minority. Thing is, that as I've mentioned in previous posts, France is not used to multi-culturalism, and yes, most French people are still struggling with the idea, but I really believe this is a different issue from racism although they're very often bundled up together.

Also, I'm afraid that at times, you're mixing up racism and political correctness or lack of thereof. I didn't follow the whole Thierry Henry controversy with his Spanish coach, but I don't see "black shit" as racist... An insult without a doubt, but racist is up to debate. Had Henry been blond and his coach had called him "blond shit" would it have been racist?

That reminds me of the whole "African American" that many Americans used because they have the feeling that "Black" is racist... But if it is racist, how come "White" is not?

I personally think "African American" is racist, because why aren't white Americans called "European Americans"? And all in all, Black Americans are no more African than White Americans are European... Maybe even less.

Also, this fear of the word "Black" will lead to some very stupid things sometimes, like this American journalist (I can't find his name anymore) who asked Nelson Mandela how it felt to be the first African-American President of South Africa. Yep, this happened, I'm not making it up.

Back to Henry, I can't comment any more on racism in soccer as I don't care about soccer, so I don't read about it, so I don't know. But as previously mentioned too, people that are fans of soccer are not usually the brightest people in the country, so I'm not surprised if you find a lot of racists among them.

You say that France never had a Civil Rights Movement, but... that's because we never needed one. France never segregated its minorities for a Century or so and use them as slaves before that. Sure, we had slavery in France, but it was never in France, only in the colonies, and it was abolished in 1789 (you know "all men are created equal" and all that), although Napoleon shamefully reinstated it for a short while.

Also, in the 80's we had something (with organizations like "SOS Racisme") that helped improving tolerance between the different French ethnic groups.

Now, you two "real" questions.

1) Sorry, I can't explain the "Daughters of France, Daughters of Allah" movement, I have never heard of it before. All I can tell you about it is what I'll find on wikipedia and/or google. And actually I just googled it and didn't really find anything about it (just one article from Vanity Fair dated from 2004). I assume that name is a translation, do you have the real name of the movement?

2) Yes, I see that you don't know 100% what Verlan is, as it has nothing to do with minorities. ;)

OK, let's start with Verlan. I'll try to be short (I have written a 30 page research paper on Verlan back in the days, so I tend to get carried away when I talk about it).

So what is Verlan?

It's basically a slang that consists in cutting a word in two, and inverting those two halves to create a new word. Sometimes, some extra changes are made, usually the last syllab may be dropped.

The word "Verlan" itself is Verlan from "L'Envers." See how?

(sorry, for those who don't speak French you'll get really confused here)

The word "Beur" is a Verlan word too. If nowadays it means "second and third generation Arab French", it comes from the word "Arabe" itself.

How?

Like this: you cut "arabe" in "ara" and "be", you switch both and get "be-ara", and little by little both "a" disappear, and you get "beur" (the 'u' being there for pronunciation purposes).

That being said, Verlan finds its sources in the 19th Century among some of the Paris working class (Parisian butchers had a "secret language" that was not that different from Verlan), so you see we're far from our topic.

It became very popular in the 80's in the suburban ghetto, but once again, it was not a racial phenomenon but a social (and geographical) one, as the people that revived and popularized Verlan did it to make it the language of their neighborhood. Then it gained in popularity, spread to all of the Parisian northern suburb. By the late 80's most of Paris youth used it (except maybe the bourgeoisie kids), and then the mainstream media started to use it, it was everywhere in TV shows, commercials and all as it had become the "cool slang".

From that point on, it actually started to decay in the ghettos, and nowadays I'm not sure many people really use it there, while on the other hand, many Verlan words made it into mainstream French (beur for instance).

Also, as you mentioned it, nana is by no means a Verlan word (it'd have to be the Verlan of... nana...), its origins are up to debate.

So you see, Verlan is not the "beur community" slang, never was and never will.

It was the Parisian ghetto suburbs slang, then it was the Parisian slang, then it became the "mainstream media cool slang", then it became old fashioned, and used by uncool people thinking they're cool.

Except for a few words and expressions, I don't think it's really used at all nowadays.

:)

What do you think are my chances of finding work as a counselor in France?

(asked by Nicky from somewhere)

I am a qualified & experienced counselor, what do you think are my chances of finding work in France?

My parents have lived there for 7 years, near Perpignan and I am hoping to move over at some point soon.

Any help and suggestions will be gratefully received!

Regards

Er... A counselor in what?

Unless I'm missing something, don't you think you're a little bit too vague for me to be able to answer your question?

Still, I'm taking this opportunity to remind a bunch of you that before dreaming of moving to France, knowing what you'd do here is definitely a good thing, but it's only the second question to ask yourselves, the first one being: how you'll get a visa of course.

More on the topic there.

An interesting set of questions that I won't answer directly.

(asked by Kimberly from the US)

This is not really a question about paying. I love your blog by the way. I am a total Francophile, I have been in love with France and French history ever since I was a little girl, and actually I think I influenced my children. Eeek. One of my daughters has taken 8 years of French and is now in Lyon getting ready to move there to get her Masters. THAT'S Living Vicariously.


Okay, so here are my questions!


1) I am getting ready to send a package to her as a surprise and besides ranch dressing, cinnamon gum and Starburst candy, can you think of anything fun to send that you can't get in France that your American ex-pat friends whine about?


2) She is spending time with her boyfriends family and they are picking up all the expenses for her I think. I don't want to be crass and offer money, but would like to at least buy them a gift to show my appreciation. Any ideas?


3) How hard is it for her as a visiting tourist to get her prescription (from America) refilled for birth control pills? Can she go to a pharmacy and show them her pink pack and pay for a refill or ? I would send them to her, but I read on the customs tag that I can't send prescriptions in without some sort of license from the French Ministry. She is a little shy about asking without knowing what the answer might be.

She is visiting, not living yet, so does not have a doctor or anything like that.


Merci beaucoup!

 So, I'm not becoming lazy, but after thinking for a little while about those questions, I realized that the only way I can answer them is by asking American expats I know. But instead asking them offline and then writing the answers they gave me here, I thought it'd be more fun to ask the readers that live in France to answer those.

But of course, before that I'll still give my "answers":

1) Well, when my American friends tell me they miss this or that type of food from the US, I just look at them as if they were lunatics and forget right away they told me such a ludicrous thing. How can anyone in their right mind miss any food from the US? Seriously?

2) Back in the days (like 20 years ago... but blogs didn't exist then, and I didn't know much about multiculturalism and the US) I would have told you something that one cannot find in France. But nowadays, except for some foods, I don't think there's anything in the US that one can find in a store and that doesn't in France. So the best thing to do would be to ask your daughter about what her hosts like, and send them that. (a few weeks ago there were a similar question btw)

3) No, you cannot get medicine in France with an American prescription (same as you cannot get medicine in the US with a French prescription). So the best thing to do is to bring your own prescription medicine with you (if you don't tell the customs, they won't know). Or else she can go see a French doctor, and ask him/her to write a prescription for that type of pill (showing them your own prescription and all).

Now dear US expat readers, fill free to add in what you want. :-)

Why do the French hate the British so much?

(asked by Ravi from the UK)

Hello,
I can’t understand why the French, especially those in Paris hate the British so much. Despite the historical wars of CENTURIES ago, we have been through so much together, especially during the World Wars. We have worked together since then, the Channel Tunnel being an example. Many French citizens work in Great Britain and many Brits visit or settle as expats in France. The attitude of the average Paris born person is ridiculous and just outright rude! As someone who was thinking of living in Paris for a year, I am very put-off by this superficial attitude of many Frenchies. Can you explain why the French or Parisians have this dreadful attitude towards the British?


Very interesting question and for once, we’re going to leave the US alone (who said “finally”?).
First I have to say that I’m a little sad you’re not going into specifics, because you seem to be alluding to some personal experiences, and I wish you had described them.
I’m going to start by pointing out the contradictions in your question.
You seem to feel that if not all, at least most of the French hate the British, but a few lines later you mention the fact that we work together well, many citizens from both countries work, live and settle in the other one.
See what I mean?
If we work so well, if there are so many people travelling and moving to the other country, maybe it’s because the French don’t hate the British, and the British don’t hate the French.
And because of that I can’t really answer the “why” in your question, because there is no “why” in the first place.

But don’t think that will stop me from answering anyway.
Let’s talk about history and geopolitics first.
You say the wars we had were centuries ago. Well, yes, the last one was 1815 if I’m not wrong (really 1815? I’d swear there has been at least another one? Any historian here?), and that’s technically two Centuries ago.
But as you’re not an American (whoops, sorry, I said I was gonna leave you alone tonight guys, sorry…) you know that two Centuries are not much when you’re talking about history, especially compared to roughly a thousand years of being almost constantly sworn enemies.
And you also know of the influence history has in shaping national identity and national rivalry. And yes, mostly because of what I would call “school propaganda”, the French are still pissed at England for the Hundred Years War and burning Joan of Arc, and if I’m not wrong, you guys are not big fans of Napoleon, are you?

So, yes, we haven’t been at war in about 200 years, we’ve even been allied for more than a Century, but not everything will go away that easily, and a rivalry has always been present between both countries, even after we stopped warring, whether it is with sports, or colonization before that.
And even today, while we’re trying to build some sort of decent Europe, there’s always that feeling (and not only from the French, but from many Europeans) that Britain doesn’t really know what it wants with Europe and keeps on being a pain in Europe’s ass on many issues.
I’m not even going into the fact that many Europeans and France resent strongly the fact that there are some tensions between Europe and the US, Britain tends to side on the US’s side (are you still trying to gain the 13 colonies back or what?), even in very shameful ways like the last time.

But seriously, apart from those criticisms and rivalries, I don’t see any hate from the French towards the UK.
I mean, sure you’ll find some backwards people that will hate the UK (and usually every single other foreign country with it), but one cannot say that France hates the UK.

And if I didn’t know better, I’d even be tempted to say that’s the other way around when one reads the British tabloid press. There hasn’t ever been a French newspaper insulting Tony Blair and calling him a worm or a weasel, even while he behaved like Bush’s bitch.
Can I say the same with the British press and Chirac and the French? No I can’t.

But before I finish, you seem to insist on the fact that more than the French in general, it’s the Parisians who hate the Brits, and that I really don’t know where that comes from, because Parisians maybe the French people that are the most enamoured with the Brits.
If you had asked about people from Périgord, yes, you may find quite a few that dislike the Brits more and more, but one cannot say they don’t have good reasons (when locals can’t afford to buy houses anymore and must leave villages where their family has lived for Centuries because British retirees have killed the housing market, there are good reasons to be mad).
So sure, apparently you have been mistreated by Parisians.
But where you’re way off here, it’s because this has nothing to do with the fact you’re a Brit, not even the fact that you’re a foreigner. It has everything to do with the fact that they’re Parisians, and they don’t know any other way to treat people, even between each other.
Simple as that.

But in the end, yes we have our differences, our rivalries, and our history, but no, the French don’t hate the British, although their popularity would be higher if they finally fully committed themselves to the EU and if their rugby team lost more often against France.

Will I be considered a stalker in France?

(asked by Michelle from the US)

This question starts out sounding like a personal “I met this French guy....” question, but I do have a cultural question at the end.
Last autumn, I was in Paris for a week, and one day I was standing on a street corner, map in hand, completely lost. A man stopped to help me, and we ended up talking for about an hour (mostly about travel and American politics). During the conversation he told me his first name and where he worked. Eventually, he said that he needed to leave for an appointment, and asked if I had a business card to give him so he could contact me again. I didn’t have a business card, so we just said goodbye and that was the end. I wish that I had just written down my phone number or email address and given it to him, but I didn’t. This autumn I will be returning to Paris, and I was thinking of stopping by his workplace just to say hello again. If this were an American city, I would feel okay doing that, because Americans tend to value being very open and friendly. But in Paris, I don’t know. In French society, would it be considered a violation of someone’s privacy to stop by their place of employment without being invited first? I don't want to do the wrong thing.


Well if he told you where he worked, you’re allowed to stop by. It’s not an invasion of privacy as long as it’s his workplace and as long as he gave you the address and you didn’t look it up behind his back.
But if I understand correctly that happened last year, right? And you spent a grand total of an hour together, right?
Oh well, who knows, maybe he’ll remember you, and if he told you about where he works that kinda means he was hoping you’d stop by and you could see where that both brings you from there.
The fact that it’s his working place and not his home address for example is a good sign, home address would be creepy.

Also, as you asked me this question last August and we’re now well into the Fall, are you back in Paris? Did you stop by his office? How did it go?

Why French Women Do Not Ask Men Out?

(asked by Linda from Brno, Czech Republic)


Ha, ha, Linda! I know why you’re asking this question. You’re still shocked I praised French women in my answer to your last question, so you found the one question that you knew I would find no excuse for French women… You’re a sneaky one, aren’t you?

So why is that?
It’s pretty simple, but to understand that, you need to understand French women’s psychology (some people would say that it’s an impossible mission, but I don’t think it is).

French women want only the advantages of life, and none of the inconveniences. French women want total equality with men, but only when it’s in their favor. For example, when the conscription still existed in France, no French woman ever thought it should become compulsory for women. I say same rights also means same duties. They don't.

Back to our topic and back in the days -I’m thinking 19th Century, but maybe even earlier than that- things were pretty simple: men would ask women out, because men and women were not equal.
Sure women could say no, sometimes, but an unmarried woman had pretty much no rights, so she could say no a few times if she wanted to, but she would take the risk to not find anybody else, and remember that at the time if you’re not married when you’re a woman, you can’t really have a social life or a social status or anything else for that matter.

Women needed to get married as soon as possible when reaching adulthood, so they could choose what men they'd end up with, but once they did, they signed up for life, and most of the time not such a fun life.

Hopefully, I'm not teaching you anything here as it was the same pretty much in all of the Western world (and still is more or less like that in many other places).

Time passed, women became more equal and more independent from men. In all logic, rules of courting should have changed accordingly, just like they have changed in most countries where men and women are more or less equal.

But something went wrong somewhere.

My guess is that as French women being sneaky little ones, and French men being stupid when it comes to the topic of French women (I must be different as I know better and haven't touched a French woman that way in more than a decade, mostly because I got tired of their stupid mind games... they make good friends though... more info on that topic there).
And French women realized that if they kept having men chase them around without never giving them anything else than a "no" or sometimes a "yes" when the guy had basically to go blind and take all the risks especially looking like a fool (and when you look like a fool in France, you're pretty much done... ok, I exaggerate a bit), while they'd just had to sit and laugh.

You see, in most Western cultures, men still ask women out, but women give them clues beforehand so that the guy -if he's not an idiot- pretty much knows what to expect when he asks her out.
Not in France.
In France, most women will be as secretive as possible (with the guy) about what they think about a potential mate, not giving him anything. They think that if the guy is clueless about what will happen, he's taking risks and in their eyes it proves... I have no idea what it proves. Some call that "romanticism", I call that "playing games".

And of course, they don't seem to realize that with that kind of behavior, they're missing lots of opportunities too. In my younger years, while many girls turned me down when I was sure they liked me, there were about as many about whom I learned, months, sometimes years after the facts, that they actually were into me and I didn't have the slightest clue, because they wouldn't give me one.
While, on the other hand, I never had a foreign woman turn me down. I'm not saying that I could get any foreign woman I wanted, that would be very pretentious of me. I'm saying that with foreign women, I always knew if they were interested in me or not, so I just wouldn't ask out the ones that I knew were not interested.

If you add to that the fact that most of them are immature bitches, always want everything and its contrary and love playing games, all of those without understanding the meaning of fun, you'll understand why more and more French men give up on them and turn towards foreign women.

But all in all, the answer of your question is that they want all the good sides of everything and none of the bad sides. So they want men to take all the risks in the "approach" phase of the relationship, and they just want to be passive and then bitch about it if you don't treat them like superior beings. :-)

To be fair, I must add that not all French women love to treat men badly and most will not ask men out, nor give them signs because of peer pressure (sort of) and education. This is the way it's being done by everyone around them, so this is what they do. And this horrible behavior gets perpetuated generation after generation that way.


(now I can't wait for the answers of my French female readership and have their side of the story... just know that if you plan an all out flame war against me, I'm pretty busy these days -as you can see when the number of posts here- and I may not have time to humor you as much as I would like to).

Nepotism...

A special nepotistic post today (after all nepotism is back in fashion in France) to tell you about two blogs.


First of all, let me introduce you the latest born of the growing list of the "Ask a [insert nationality here]" blogs . Today, please welcome about our "community": Ask a Russian...

Then, if you can read French, two of my friends just started this blogzine (or whatever you want to call it) I warmly advise you to read.
It's called Surge and it's about many things (but mostly cultural things: cinema, books, cocktails, you name it).

Enjoy...

Of Soccer, Patriotism, Nationalism and the Marseillaise

(asked by Sarah from New York)

I'm a huge follower of the French “Ligue 1” and French National Soccer team. But, I'm constantly perplexed by the French fans. They boo their team from the minute they walk onto the field. I've gathered from your previous posts that the French people in general like to complain... But how do they expect them to win when they don't receive any support from their fans? And, how can they be angry when their players leave “Ligue 1” if this is how they are treated?

I am fascinated/disgusted by the French government's reactions to the whistling of the Marseillaise when France plays its former colonies (Algeria, Morocco or Tunisia). Are they really shocked? I am under the impression (please, correct me if I'm wrong) that the French government prefers its immigrant population to assimilate-- did they not anticipate a backlash? I've heard that the government has decided that future games where the national anthem is whistled will result in the match being abandoned. Perhaps you could help explain to me how soccer matches became symbols of political opposition to the French government (with the whistling of the national anthem and booing of the French players of Maghreb descent) and why the government responds by completely overreacting?

First of all, know that I really don’t care about soccer, I don’t remember the last time I watched a game from the national championship (Ligue 1 or 2), I may have been 10 years old or something. The only soccer I watch are the Euro and World Cups and I usually cheer for the English team (because it’s fun to watch a England’s game in an English pub), I cheer for France only when they play teams I hate (Italy and Portugal mostly, because they can’t play without cheating).

That being said, I think I can answer most of your questions as they don’t treat as much about soccer itself as about what’s around it.

First, the question I can’t answer is why fans boo their teams in “Ligue 1”… I have no idea… Do they? I always thought it was the other team they booed.

Now, I doubt that it’s because they’re being booed that French players go play in the English, German, Italian and Spanish leagues, but more a question of money and going to play where the level of the game is actually interesting.

Concerning the French national team, it’s been inconsistent constantly since the early 90’s, so I assume it gets frustrating for fans.

Now, the booing thing is a quite recent thing in my opinion, and it comes from the fact that the current team sucks… It’s full of amazing players that are stars in their own championships, but there’s no team spirit at all. While the 1998-2000 team was a real team with almost a family spirit (and that team will stay as the reference for years to come), the current team is just an addition of great players, but some of them don’t even talk to each other, the younger ones behave as divas, disrespect the older ones (including the few that remain from the 1998-2000), and then there’s Raymond Domenech, the coach… I don’t even know where to start with him, he’s as disconcerting as it comes, capable of the best (bringing the team to the finals in 2006) and the worst (pretty much all of the rest), to the point that half of the team dislikes him and half of the French population secretly hoping that France doesn’t qualify to the 2010 World Cup so that he finally gets fired.

Now, why some fans would go to the stadium to boo the team is a mystery to me. I’d like to boo it too sometimes, but I won’t bother going to the stadium to do so. But I guess if you’re a soccer fan it must be really frustrating to see your national team being capable of the best but delivering mediocre performances at best, and then have the coach saying that he’s happy with a tie game. So you still go to the stadium, hoping that this time, they’ll finally start playing the way they should and could, but of course they don’t. I guess that’s also the reason why some people still attend Detroit Lions games.

At this point I must remind everyone one thing: soccer is not as popular in France as it is in many countries or as football is in the US, so most of the French population doesn’t not see the National Team as some sort of embodiment of the nation, but more as some random guys that are very good at soccer and that happen to all be French.

Add to that the fact that patriotism is a very different concept in France as it can be in the US, and you’ll understand why sports is not necessarily a symbol of national pride for most people.

That being said, sports have recently become a matter of national pride for the current government. This comes from this larger endeavor it currently have about reviving all the symbols of patriotism (see the current controversy with Eric Besson’s Marseillaise in schools bullshit… I know hard to follow which controversy I’m talking about with Eric Besson, when you’ll read these lines, he most likely will have started another one), which has the tendency to infuriate both the liberal French, French people from foreign descent and simply foreigners in general.

Liberal French understand all the historical and social implications that entails. Remember that World War One as one cause and one cause only: that kind of patriotism. All fascisms too. They also understand why first, second (and more) generation immigrants feel insulted by that. It basically means “forsake your own culture and identity or leave.”

And this is the reason why the Marseillaise is more and more booed during games against North African countries. Now, one must not be mistaken. It’s not the Moroccans, Algerians or Tunisians that boo the Marseillaise as some sort of passé grudge from the time of the colonies. No, it’s the French citizen from North African descent that boo the Marseillaise during those games as a way to show that they feel as second class citizen (because let’s face it, most of them are). During those games they decide not only to cheer for the country of their parents or grandparents but to boo the team and anthem of their country as a political statement, to show they don’t feel French despite what their passport says.

And why is the government is overreacting?

Well, have you seen who our government is? A bunch of incompetent conservative nationalists with authoritarian tendencies. There’s much more to expect from them.

Hope that answers your questions (even if there’s much more to say about this)

What Kind of Gift Would Be Appropriate?

(asked by Rachel from Buffalo, NY)

Dear Sir,

I'm going to France this fall to study French and live with a French family. I was thinking about getting the family something to say, 'thanks for letting me live with you', but I have no idea of what kind of gift would be appropriate. I want to let them know that I'm grateful, but don't want to get something weird or out of place. Any thoughts?

Thanks.

Wow, I haven't been "dearsired" in a while. Thanks.

First of all sorry for the late answer, you must already be in France by now (remember it takes time between the moment you send your question and the moment I get to answer it), but this will still be useful for other people in the future.

So what would be a nice gift to give when you're going to stay with a French family (either because they're a host family, or your friend's family or your future in-laws, etc.) ?

In a previous post, I suggested decent wine, flowers, nice chocolates. Those are the typical safe gifts you can give when you're invited to a French family.

If you're going to stay longer than a few days and/or if you come from a country that has a rich culture and history, you can bring something that's typical from your country and is not too tacky as a gift (bad news for Americans, I could never find such a gift to bring back to France).

Really, the trick is to not be tacky, or cheap (I don't suggest to buy something really expensive, but you don't want to buy a €3 bottle of wine either, that's almost insulting), apart from that it's the act that counts not what you actually give.

And in any case, the best gift you can give them is to be nice and polite, take part in everyday chores and those sorts of things.